Strength Found

Yesterday at church God spoke to me.  I mean spoke so clearly that I felt He could have been standing in front of me speaking out loud.  While singing the worship songs, I began praying and telling God that I just don't even know what I am supposed to be praying for.  I have tried and tried to pray and after losing Taylor Grace (1st blog), I learned that just because you pray and believe, sometimes God has a different plan.  This knowledge can make prayer a very difficult thing and so I have struggled with how to pray, knowing God's plan may not be what I am praying for.  Saturday was such a low, low day for me after overhearing a conversation about someone about to deliver their baby, her due date is this week.  I really was feeling like having a baby was not a possibility for me and that I was just not "getting it".  As I was praying I told God "I don't know how to pray, I am trying to understand [everything going on], I just don't."  Very quickly and very distinctly the words "You don't have to understand, I do" came into my head.  Then I prayed "But God I don't think I'm strong enough to handle this." Just as quickly as the first time, I heard "You don't have to be, I am strong enough."  I wish I could explain into words how I knew those words were from Him.  I had the same conversation with my husband the night before and he told me "you are strong enough", but I just knew I wasn't and that is why I have been struggling so much.  BUT, God knew the words I needed to hear, even if I never knew what those words were- God is strong enough.  So I share these verses with you:

The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. -Psalm 118:14

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. -Isaiah 40:29

The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. -Psalm 28:8

The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. -Psalm 29:11

I can't tell you the peace I felt after I heard those words.  I have allowed myself the opportunity to not spend every waking (and sleeping according to what my dreams have focused on) second on worrying about what is to come.  Worry only robs today of it's joy.  I have found the one thing in my life I truly and honestly cannot control, so I must give it to God.   

Cast all your anxiety on him because he will give you strength. -1Peter 5:7

Next week I follow up with my neurologist, whom I have been seeing for about a year.  I will update him on my diagnosis and see if he has any insight.  He is the one who introduced me to the joys of Vitamin B12 and its miraculous effects on me.  I plan on asking him about the comorbidity between TS and Celiac disease.  I'm wondering if that may be the answer to my long-standing very painful stomach issues.  Always more questions, right?

~T.