Capture Your Grief: Days 3 & 4

I did not get the chance to blog Day 3 yesterday since we were driving home from my doctor's appointment in Houston.  Unfortunately J had some food poisoning from his tuna sandwich at lunch and was very sick the entire way home, thus we did not make it home until almost 11!  He is much better today :)  So here are yesterday and today's Capture Your Grief pictures.

Day 3: After Loss Self Portrait

    
This picture was actually taken on October 3, same day as the topic.  I thought it was pretty fitting that my After Loss Portrait was in front of the UT Health Science Center in Houston's Medical District.  After losing Taylor, we were not able to grieve "appropriately" because we were thrown into the whirlwind of my Turner Syndrome diagnosis.  We then were forced to grieve not only the loss of our baby girl, which is impossible in itself, but also the loss of what I knew about my body and how it is failing me.  So after endless doctors that did not know how to help me, my wonderful husband hounded the doctor at the Turner Syndrome Clinic and was able to get me an appointment for October's clinic.  The TS clinic is ran by Dr. Rivera-Davila and only treats adults the first Wednesday of every month.  So we traveled to Houston and I had the most informative and productive of any appointment I have had in who knows how long.  She is running all of those tests that I was so worried about, but the other doctors pushed off and the best part is I didn't even have to ask, it was her idea to test me.  She also threw in a few more that I didn't even know to be concerned about.  She took blood to check the following: kidney function, cholesterol, Celiac's disease, diabetes, and I'm sure many more things I didn't even catch in our conversation. She was so completely thorough and understanding and I also felt completely at ease with her personality.  She also ordered an ultrasound of my kidney and a bone density screen, which I hope to have done closer to home and have the results sent to her.  Before leaving, I agreed to participate in a research study for people at risk for heart complications, so they too received some of my blood. 

Day 4: Most Treasured Item

My most treasured items are those that take me back to my favorite memories.  Hearing her heartbeat for the first, and last time.  Lord, please help me to never forget the feeling of witnessing the miracle that was my baby's thundering heart.  We took weekly pictures of my growing belly and these pictures I have sometimes feel like the only proof that she was real, that she belonged in our world for a short time.  The top right picture was taken exactly one week before we heard the horrible words that forever rocked our world.  She was only with me 11 weeks, but she is forever in my heart.

She sent me this beautiful sunset on my drive home from work today.  I had to pull on to the service road so I could stop and take some pictures because I just knew it was from her.  The way the lights beamed down, it had to be something from Heaven. 

~T.